I’m about to get into a topic few people I know are willing to hear about, but, to begin, I will give a brief introduction.
If you’ve felt like you simply cannot fix a mess you’ve made no matter what you try, specifically emotional struggles, or if you feel as if there’s a wall between you and God, but actually want to pursue him, welcome to the club. But I was revealed a solution by the Holy Spirit and will tell you in a bit, after I give a brief backstory.
I went from one dysfunctional family to another. In the first family was every form of abuse, in the next, mainly verbal abuse. Everyone was at each other’s throat all the time. My parents immediately threatened divorce because arguments were so frequent, and the men in the family would brutally insult my looks and personality.
At school, I could not make friends. I walked up to a group of my friends and they pushed me out of the circle. They would say I was awkward and like a kicked puppy.
For three years, my life went like this. And somewhere along the way, I became depressed and anxious. I would hide in closets and collapse on my floor sobbing. I was such a huge mess that I couldn’t cope. Then came the self harm.
However, miracles happen. I could not ask for a better family to this day. My mom simply would not yell anymore, and my stepdad would say he was proud of me. My brother would give me and my sister bits of wisdom. It’s been wonderful, but what changed?
I was still bound by emotional instability. Many who were close to me thought I developed borderline personality disorder as a result of abuse, but it was all about my thoughts. I know many of you hear constantly about the importance of thoughts, so I’m not even getting into that. I would think that there was no way God could or does love me, or if I’m not perfect, I’m not worth his love, and it was difficult believing I was even saved. I know this is a huge epidemic with Christians because we cannot become perfect overnight. Not even Paul ever became perfect. So I would have crying fits. And hurt myself in my anger.
However, I found out my issue, the root of my disbelief or doubt and my fear of displeasing God.
I entered a Bible plan of simply repeatedly reading Romans 8 to help my fear of God’s anger toward me and my false perspective about how he feels and thinks and acts. Shortly after, I began working on a relationship with the Holy Spirit by praying constantly and addressing my issues with him. The wall between me and God began to dissolve. He revealed a verse to me: “For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading again to fear [of God’s judgment], but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons [the Spirit producing sonship] by which we [joyfully] cry, ‘Abba! Father!'” (Romans 8:15). The root of my depression, my emotional rollercoaster, the root of my fear of disappointing God and disbelief in his love was a Spirit of Slavery. Now, I opened the doorway for this spirit sometime three years ago, the Spirit told me, though I cannot recall exactly win.
The answer to many of people’s fears and doubts and depression is a strongman of slavery, which is the opposite of the Holy Spirit. So please just stop, take a break, and ask for deliverance, if you are not yet familiar with spiritual warfare and ask the Spirit to free you. In a bit, your perspective will start to change. You’ll feel freer and more able to conquer your messes, and most importantly, the wall between you and God will start to tumble like Jericho. Praying for all who read this!
If anybody is interested and would appreciate more information and advice about spiritual warfare, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I will try my best to tell you all I know!