Living a Spirit-Filled Life

I’m about to get into a topic few people I know are willing to hear about, but, to begin, I will give a brief introduction.

If you’ve felt like you simply cannot fix a mess you’ve made no matter what you try, specifically emotional struggles, or if you feel as if there’s a wall between you and God, but actually want to pursue him, welcome to the club. But I was revealed a solution by the Holy Spirit and will tell you in a bit, after I give a brief backstory.

I went from one dysfunctional family to another. In the first family was every form of abuse, in the next, mainly verbal abuse. Everyone was at each other’s throat all the time. My parents immediately threatened divorce because arguments were so frequent, and the men in the family would brutally insult my looks and personality.

At school, I could not make friends. I walked up to a group of my friends and they pushed me out of the circle. They would say I was awkward and like a kicked puppy.

For three years, my life went like this. And somewhere along the way, I became depressed and anxious. I would hide in closets and collapse on my floor sobbing. I was such a huge mess that I couldn’t cope. Then came the self harm.

However, miracles happen. I could not ask for a better family to this day. My mom simply would not yell anymore, and my stepdad would say he was proud of me. My brother would give me and my sister bits of wisdom. It’s been wonderful, but what changed?

I was still bound by emotional instability. Many who were close to me thought I developed borderline personality disorder as a result of abuse, but it was all about my thoughts. I know many of you hear constantly about the importance of thoughts, so I’m not even getting into that. I would think that there was no way God could or does love me, or if I’m not perfect, I’m not worth his love, and it was difficult believing I was even saved. I know this is a huge epidemic with Christians because we cannot become perfect overnight. Not even Paul ever became perfect. So I would have crying fits. And hurt myself in my anger.

However, I found out my issue, the root of my disbelief or doubt and my fear of displeasing God.

I entered a Bible plan of simply repeatedly reading Romans 8 to help my fear of God’s anger toward me and my false perspective about how he feels and thinks and acts. Shortly after, I began working on a relationship with the Holy Spirit by praying constantly and addressing my issues with him. The wall between me and God began to dissolve. He revealed a verse to me: “For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading again to fear [of God’s judgment], but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons [the Spirit producing sonship] by which we [joyfully] cry, ‘Abba! Father!'” (Romans 8:15). The root of my depression, my emotional rollercoaster, the root of my fear of disappointing God and disbelief in his love was a Spirit of Slavery. Now, I opened the doorway for this spirit sometime three years ago, the Spirit told me, though I cannot recall exactly win.

The answer to many of people’s fears and doubts and depression is a strongman of slavery, which is the opposite of the Holy Spirit. So please just stop, take a break, and ask for deliverance, if you are not yet familiar with spiritual warfare and ask the Spirit to free you. In a bit, your perspective will start to change. You’ll feel freer and more able to conquer your messes, and most importantly, the wall between you and God will start to tumble like Jericho. Praying for all who read this!

If anybody is interested and would appreciate more information and advice about spiritual warfare, contact me at xandria.connolly@gmail.com and I will try my best to tell you all I know!

 

Unnamed Song

That dark and dreadful day
Hope became a reality
As you hung upon that cross
My soul to save

For me you faced death
And was firm through rejection
That I might experience
Freedom in your love

And I know, Lord
My name was engraved
Upon your beating heart
The day you set me free
The day you set me free

And I know, Lord
You remain forever by my side
Until the day I return home
And forever sing your praise
And forever sing your praise

I could not see beyond the veil
Of despair and tormenting fear
I placed my trust within this world
But discovered no worth

I was disgraced by society
Outcast and all alone
I could not excel their expectations
Or conform to their many standards

But I knew, Lord
My name was engraved
Upon your beating heart
The day you set me free
The day you set me free

And I knew, Lord
You remain forever by my side
Until the day I return home
And forever sing your praise
And forever sing your praise

And this truth was
Just enough for me
I was steadfast in your love
The love which conquered death

So I stand tall
And loudly praise your name
For your glory
I will strive to live day by day

And it is not the same old story
Where I was lost, Lord, I went astray
But rather, it is for your glory
That you have come my way
Peace has come my way



Reckless Pursuit

Here I am

Upon my knees again

Bowing my heart in surrender

In reckless pursuit of your love

 

A tiny flame

You kindled your hope

Within the dark of my heart

And now it is all-consuming

A wildfire in the depths of my soul

Now it is all-consuming

You’re my desire

Burning within me

 

My hands held high

I am offering my life

A pleasing sacrifice

Of righteous faith

 

I was destitute

Lost and afraid with no home

So I turned to the rising Son

To heal my brokenness

 

A tiny flame

You kindled your hope

Within the dark of my heart

And now it is all-consuming

A wildfire in the depths of my soul

Now it is all-consuming

You’re my desire

Burning within me

 

No longer enslaved

I fall to the ground giving thanks

I am free to seek you God

With my entire being

 

For I once was lost

But grace so amazing found me

And now my heart soars eternally

In reckless pursuit of your love


And here
I construct an altar
And here
I release my fear
And here
I abandon my shame
And here
I praise the only name 

 

 

A tiny flame

You kindled your hope

Within the dark of my heart

And now it is all-consuming

A wildfire in the depths of my soul

Now it is all-consuming

You’re my desire

Burning within me

 

Reckless Pursuit

Here I am

Upon my knees again

Bowing my heart in surrender

In reckless pursuit of your love

 

A tiny flame

You kindled your hope

Within the dark of my heart

And now it is all-consuming

A wildfire in the depths of my soul

Now it is all-consuming

You’re my desire

Burning within me

 

My hands held high

I am offering my life

A pleasing sacrifice

Of righteous faith

 

I was destitute

Lost and afraid with no home

So I turned to the rising Son

To heal my brokenness

 

A tiny flame

You kindled your hope

Within the dark of my heart

And now it is all-consuming

A wildfire in the depths of my soul

Now it is all-consuming

You’re my desire

Burning within me

 

No longer enslaved

I fall to the ground giving thanks

I am free to seek you God

With my entire being

 

For I once was lost

But grace so amazing found me

And now my heart soars eternally

In reckless pursuit of your love


And here
I construct an altar
And here
I release my fear
And here
I abandon my shame
And here
I praise the only name 

 

 

A tiny flame

You kindled your hope

Within the dark of my heart

And now it is all-consuming

A wildfire in the depths of my soul

Now it is all-consuming

You’re my desire

Burning within me

 

God is truly for us

I was thinking about how I never seemed to do anything good before I met Christ (before I received the Holy Spirit). Then, I had a basic revelation. God created us and had mercy on us though we are sinners, so he sent his son, Jesus, to willingly redeem us. It is God who softens peoples’ hearts and grants people faith (Matthew 13:14, Isaiah 6:9). For example, he hardened Pharaoh’s heart so he would not believe. When I doubt God, I pray the Holy Spirit increases my faith and, because my faith increases, God blesses me. The Trinity has various roles which help us to become blessed by spiritual and even material blessings so that we know: God is truly for us.

The Meaning of Life

Bear with me as I attempt to walk you through my thought process.

To begin, we were definitely born broken, into a fallen world. We have something wrong… It is the sin that binds us, the sin that causes us to struggle. All the suffering on this planet is caused by the sins of others toward us or vise versa. But we definitely have hope. I will explain how I know.

  1. … For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God… (Romans 3:23)
  2. For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. (James 2:10)

This is just a summary of the truth we are sinners, but to be continued 🙂

  1. For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. (Isaiah 9:6)
  2. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)

The purpose of Jesus’ life was to pay our debt, suffer for our transgressions. What did this accomplish?

  1. I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you. (Isaiah 44:22)
  2. But very truly I tell you, it is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. (John 16:7)

Because Jesus died as our atoning sacrifice, we are forgiven. God commands us to return to him. What does God want from us?

  1. He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'” (Luke 10:27)

Also, we because Jesus returned to heaven, we were given the holy spirit. Why do we have the Holy Spirit?

  1. tbc…