God softened my heart toward Judas Iscariot to cure my suicidal tendencies. One day, amidst a conversation with one of my relatives, I brought up my compassionate feelings toward Judas. If Judas hadn’t hung himself, would God have forgiven him? I believe wholeheartedly that the answer is yes. Judas was a murderer, though by far the worst n that he killed God’s sole son, but even murderers are granted forgiveness. God is not partial, nor does he contain favorites. I think he would have forgiven Judas had he confessed his sins and pleaded for mercy, waiting patiently for the evidence of forgiveness. For, had he waited the son would have risen like the dawn, and God would have imparted salvation on all who love him.
I was suicidal because I feared an inability to measure up, to obtain perfection, to be good enough for others and God. I felt my life was worthless because I was, and although I knew the truth was otherwise, I felt grief and despair. But I hang on. I keep waiting because I know that God has granted me salvation. If one who was responsible for the death of God’s own son is able to, upon confession and humble repentance, receive salvation and forgiveness, how much more am I, who has the Holy Spirit within me?
Have courage and hope. You are not forgotten. You are precious and beloved in God’s sight, and no matter what, his purpose will prevail.