When We Feel Condemned… I Was Shown the Answer to Healing by the Holy Spirit
To fear the Lord is to serve him with reverence and gratitude, faithfully. To fear the Lord is to respect the blessings he has granted us.
But if you’re like me, there have been people you admired who truly showed you the wrath of God for every time you sinned or did something wrong.
When I was younger, I was deceived by Satan into believing nobody ever loved me or could and that God was punishing me by not allowing me to create friendships. I eventually became incredibly bitter against God and said,” If God loved me, then why would he create someone who couldn’t be loved?” And I became skeptical.
Those I trusted were struggling with their own issues and couldn’t offer much support or attention, so I fell apart.
And that’s the root of the condemnation in my life. A loving God created a being who couldn’t be loved. And for years I was burdened by performance issues. Maybe this will happen if I did this, or God would love me if I do that, or even: maybe God will punish if I sin.
So I was burdened by anxiety and depression, to afraid to wake up to a new day. One day, I sat down and, for once, started reading. I was reading Good Morning Holy Spirit! by Benny Hinn, and he teaches about a relationship with the Spirit. I decided to be honest that I’m a sinner, bound to stumble, and poured my heart out to the Spirit. I cried and begged the Spirit to reveal to me why I feaeed the Lord, and he brought me back to the time in my childhood, the time I concluded I was made unloveable by an unmerciful or selfish God.
We all have opened doorways to result in our issues. For example, I used to fantasize, mostly as a child, and daydream about another life I could have. I became bitter and discontented.
Sometimes, doorways to pain are opened by others. One example of this is that, because I was abused, I hated myself and blamed myself. I felt ashamed and guilty, so I resorted to self-harming for years. This behavior then opened a doorway to nightmares and thoughts or dreams about suicide.
Do you notice how everything is connected? Sit down patiently with the Holy Spirit and ask for memories that will heal you. Pray to break the strongholds, so you can be freed by the truth.