Note: Please read the last paragraph if you are struggling with the shame of a broken past. It is very important and changed my life! I understand it is not the case with every circumstance or event, but it can possibly change your perspective and help your hurt and that would mean the world to me!
Today you offered me a new perspective. I sought answers to soothe the agony in my heart over a dysfunctional childhood, and you revealed to me the truth: if I were to view my past from a perspective other than my own and understand multiple aspects, then I would discover my past was not nearly as heart-wrenching as I had originally thought.
I do not deny the pain developed from years of abuse, but I now understand that there was more to my childhood than I originally thought. For example, I imagined rejection where there was none. I over-exaggerated a multitude of circumstances and I was oblivious of circumstances and perspectives other than that which directly interacted with me.
This is my recommendation to anyone struggling with the pain of their past: seek God through prayer that he might direct you to one who could reveal their own thoughts about your past. I finally sought my mother for answers and realized truths I was previously unaware of. Please, please take my advice after some prayer. I have never felt less confused and more free.
Who am I that you would soften my heart to salvation that I might spend eternity with you? Who am I that you would offer healing through the truth of your Word and the sacrifice of my pride? My parents planted the seed of faith in my heart, and my church watered it with knowledge, but you, ultimately, caused the growth.
I spent quite some time in your Word today, and several hours praying, but after but a few minutes of each I was encouraged and strengthened. The burdens of my nature were lifted and I felt free like I never have. I wish, oh Lord, for more moments like this, for I have “tasted and seen of the sweetest of loves where my heart becomes clean and my shame is undone.”
You must really love me, us, if you were to choose us from the dead, provide us a portion of faith, and grant us revelations about you, the King of Kings.
I have been lying in bed crying for quite some time. To be completely honest, I despise my humanity. I hate containing limitations, and I hate the mere prospect of failing. I mean, failing once or twice is okay, but I simply cannot obtain my goal. Actually, I am confused as to what my goal is…
I need to learn to rely on the strength of your Spirit. My pride prefers to find my identity in complete perfection, but my spirit longs to desire that which you desire. 1 Corinthians 13 describes scenarios in which one is visibly perfect but lacking in love. The conclusion to this is that they contain nothing, for love is the sole command and your greatest desire. I need to stop pitying myself and start seeking that which you long for.