“You light up the sky to show me that you are with me.” -The Afters
Have you discovered your purpose? I often watch and observe those surrounding me, noticing their occupations and talents, their desires, goals, and successes. Everybody craves success regarding their actions. An accomplished goal is a job well done. But where does purpose fit into the puzzle of life?
Successes and victories should gradually build up to our purpose. Were I to have the purpose of founding an orphanage, financial success is required. However, not everybody does “big” things. Not everybody is a Bill Gates or Billy Graham. Your purpose does not require “big” things. It is using what your talent and gifts. Use what you have been granted to glorify God, doing it to the best of your ability.
Not everybody does “big” things in that they achieve huge goals or achievements, but everybody contains a gift or talent or few. Mine is encouragement and gentleness, as well as worship. Not everybody has visible gifts, such as art or sports. Some might be gifted similarly to me. It does not matter. Everybody is uniquely crafted with a special purpose obtained through the usage of our talents and gifts.
Everybody has a passion, an interest, an idol or role model. What is yours and why do you appreciate it? Mine is God. I love talking and thinking and writing and singing about him. I always have and probably always will.
I thought I was useless. My brother spoke often of politics. He could engage and humor a crowd, and I easily saw God’s delight in my brother’s gift. I thought I was useless because I had no natural gift or talent. Then, one day, my aunt described spiritual gifts or gifts in the realm of the spirits. In other words, she spoke of encouragement and motivation, of patience and evangelism. Nobody has no use. A God who is good and righteous, who sees and knows all, does not create “useless.”
Note: Please read the last paragraph if you are struggling with the shame of a broken past. It is very important and changed my life! I understand it is not the case with every circumstance or event, but it can possibly change your perspective and help your hurt and that would mean the world to me!
Today you offered me a new perspective. I sought answers to soothe the agony in my heart over a dysfunctional childhood, and you revealed to me the truth: if I were to view my past from a perspective other than my own and understand multiple aspects, then I would discover my past was not nearly as heart-wrenching as I had originally thought.
I do not deny the pain developed from years of abuse, but I now understand that there was more to my childhood than I originally thought. For example, I imagined rejection where there was none. I over-exaggerated a multitude of circumstances and I was oblivious of circumstances and perspectives other than that which directly interacted with me.
This is my recommendation to anyone struggling with the pain of their past: seek God through prayer that he might direct you to one who could reveal their own thoughts about your past. I finally sought my mother for answers and realized truths I was previously unaware of. Please, please take my advice after some prayer. I have never felt less confused and more free.
I’m a byproduct of years in this life
Burdened and weary from tears and strife
My heart is shattered and dull-ish
My thoughts scattered and foolish
But I awoke one morning to mercy anew
For I was introduced newly to you
Your love and your grace
Lifted the shame from my face
Today, God revealed to me a portion of his heart toward us that I wish to share, but I admit, I am having a difficult time describing my thought process, so bear with me, please!
- I was anxious because I could not feel the presence of God
- I confessed this was a result of feeling guilt and shame for my transgressions
- I said I wished to be in heaven and feel near to God… without ceasing
To which God replied:
- You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart (Jeremiah 29:13)
- Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)
- The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing (Zephaniah 3:17)
(Notice how he conquered each fear or negative feeling with scripture)
Then, he explained that, if he delights in us now, how much more so is he excited about us going to heaven to be with him? A lot! And if he really wants us to be fulfilled in heaven, with him, then how important must our purpose on Earth be if he is waiting until a specific day for us to die? Very! I found this to be quite encouraging, and hope you do also!
I have struggled with depression for my entire existence. However, my teenage years were discovered to be the most suicidal, for I was attempting to decide who I desired to be and that which I wished would happen or occur in my future. I was often confused about my desires and wishes and left with little hope. I felt hopeless. I was despairing.
Rarely was I alone in my house, but when I was, I would lie in bed and sob, contemplating suicide, longing for a reason to live. I knew I was broken and hurting. The pain resulting from years of abuse was evident. But I did not know God was present in my suffering until one particular afternoon, when I cried out to God.
I questioned why I was forsaken to a life of pain and misery and why I was suffering so intensely. I explained to God I was tempted to end my life. It was then that my heart was stilled and I felt a huge burden lifted from my shoulders as he said, “Have faith, Little One, for I am coming to bring you home and restore your broken heart.” It was these words which aided me in surviving my depression.
I have a hope. My hope rests with and is in Jesus, who provides comfort and love in times of trouble. He will return to rescue me from all distress, but honestly, he is, in spirit, right here with me at this moment and during times of suffering. So I will have faith that he cares for my pain and wishes to heal me, in his own, perfect time.